Why America needs more Bullets in our Magazines.

I don’t own a gun but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the need to want to own one. If I lived somewhere else, maybe more country-secluded or maybe more urban, pick your scary dream local-I might just find the need for some fire-power.

Pardon my insensitive language, but it kills me after every new horrific shooting, you know, the first day-care center that gets shot up or a quiet study hall splatfire or a doctor gunned down in a church, America gets all shocked and stuff about the apparent problem we have with either guns, violence, bullets or video games.

After the brilliant burst of new images of more innocents being gunned downed, our M. O. is to wonder aloud in newspapers, on TV and all over the Internet, “ My God (Christian), how could this happen?” And for some twelve to fifteen days we will question who we are until we rightly get back to that place where we feel most comfortable, scared with our hands locked around our guns.

Now there’s some Liberal whose husband died in a machine gun related death, you remember, it was one of the first subway shootings in New York, and you know how squeamish the public gets after their first experience with something new. After that they (the bad guys, the people who don’t want the ability to shoot and ask questions later) were able to limit assault rifles. Luckily that ban ended, allowing the Tucson shooter to load up on ammo.

The Democrats think the time is right to squeeze through an anti-assault gun law or try to limit the banana clips that hold enough ammo for a small city mall.

To settle to the American psyche and so we can get back to watching TV, I’m going to answer the question that most of my gun buddies are afraid to-Why do we need a thirty-one clip magazine for our hunting rifles?

Because we’re stupid. Case close. Check, please. Goodnight.

Oh, you’re still there. Okay.

Here’s the dealio…

No one really wants to admit this but your average hunters aren’t exactly walking Einsteins. Let’s face it, you can hold the second highest job in the world, and still be a bad hunter.

Not every hunter in America is an idiot, just the bulk of them. And it’s not their fault, its Obama’s (Because he is responsible for everything bad that’s happen in this country for the last twenty years.)

Most Americans don’t understand the modern hunter. They tend to romantically think of the one-shot deer hunters who’ll spend the cold early mornings, searching, looking for that right spot to take down that buck with one-shot, like a pro-sniper. The old days of the hunting shows where tracking and trying to find your prey was half of the adventure is over.

Today shooting an animal from a helicopter with a high-power scope and heat-seeking bullets is seen as not only fair, but the makings for a great reality show.

The problem with today’s modern hunters is- they are idiots. Don’t just take my word for it; ask them, they’ll tell you,”We’re idiots.” That’s how you’ll know; idiots will admit they’re stupid. That’s why they are idiots.

Take a look at the top five states with the highest accidently gun deaths, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alaska, Alabama and Nevada. Believe me, it is not their faults that they are doing the big oops with the shotguns and assault rifles and killing little Bobby or Grandma Sue, those five states are ranked as some of our dumbest states. All five are in the Top Ten of dumbest American States, with Nevada winning. Go Keno!

If you look at education and the literacy rates for those states that think Chuck Norris is all the brains you need, you’ll see that they don’t score well on tests. Now image those tests or SAT’s being a gun range or bunch of moving animals on the lone prairie. Do you think those slow-witted shooters are going to hit their target on the first try? No way. These people are idiots. They are going to need a few do-overs and some rapid-fire mulligans. People with third and fourth grade educations, need a little extra time and yes, a few extra bullets if they want to accomplish the same goals that we, the non-idiots, can do in few less shots.

Let’s just stop all this talk about the need to ban assault rifles and thirty-one bullet clips. It is not going to happen. We are just too stupid as a people, to let that happen. And I mean that in a good way. Today’s hunters do not have the smarts or the time to learn how to shoot properly and straight.

It’s only the Elitist who is arguing for smaller clips and to do away with the landscape rectifying assault rifles, probably because they learned how to be a better shot with their Ivy League school grouse shoots and fox hunts.

The states that have the most guns and weirdly enough-gun related deaths are like our special children. They should be watched over and be allowed to participate in any shootings like the rest of the country is allowed. But because they are slow and dim-witted, they are going to need some extra bullets.

How hard is that to understand?

Hey, blame the Teacher’s Union if you don’t like it.    



I'm Green, But My Dope Isn't (July 30, 2010)

 

Okay, I could be a real prick and ask if you love your country. Start poking you in the chest with, is it about Compassion or Greed? Maybe head for third with, “Really, so you recycle, huh?” And for the big wind-up, making my way home, “Do you try to eat organic?” I could really start guilt-tripping you with facts, but I think too much of you to do that.

But if you’re really serious about eating and buying locally, worried about what you put into your body, why don’t you care about what you smoke?

Total Blue Smoke Transparency: I favor Outdoor WEED.

There are many advantages and disadvantages that could be pointed out with both techniques of growing, but in terms of health and sustainability, the debate could be made quite clear. Let’s look at only two components of what both methods require…Electricity and Chemicals.

Electricity:

The California power company, Pacific Gas and Electricity, did a study of the power usage before and after the year 1997 (the year Medical Marijuana was passed.) There was a major increase after that legislation was passed, almost a forty percent increase. Most analysts believe this was because of the start of the indoor grow room.

I don’t know how many people now are growing indoors, but the power is coming from somewhere. It’s been my experience that most of the grow rooms housing over 10 plants, are drawing the juice illegally. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against getting free cable or power, but it all comes from someplace. Not just the outlet on the wall.

Now multiply the grow rooms by say, oh, 90,000. That’s a lot of hamsters in the wheels.

In Oakland where they’ve been okay’d to grow on say the ‘We are the World’ kind of level, I don’t believe they have a sunlight for natural rays. Even though I love WEED, it doesn’t make the power coming into a grow house any more righteous.

Commerce versus Compassion.

What happens if PG&E is making so much money from illegal growers, that they make a concerted effort to shoot down Legalization because there’s more money in it for them that way?

Btw, if you’re for ‘Drill, Baby Drill,’ or the exploration of the Arctic for more oil or the rise of nuclear energy oppose to alternative sources, keep buying indoor.

This is not to say outdoor growers are any more honest. The Californian streams and river are being polluted by Mexican gangs and local growers too. Generators and diesel fuel are ruining a once pristine environment. I can’t speak about the Mexican gangs, but I know the local outdoor grower is finding out that growing Organic maybe the only defense an outdoor grower has against the Rise of the Machines.

I met one outdoor grower who only uses rainwater. This person is just growing their “25” but with almost no carbon or water foot-print. This person uses solar powered fans and lights.

Plus, if you want to know why some of the outdoor Organic is oh so good, take a moment and Google ‘Hum Tea.’ Hum Tea gives a kick to plants like I’ve never seen.

In the same way hackers understand the Internet better than most, a large number of the outdoor growers I’ve met, have been doing it for more twenty-five years, on the average. They’ve invested in and tested most technologies and have growing down to astute science now. They know what they’re doing and care about the accumulative effect they’re having on the environment and this Earth.

Right now in my humble opinion, Dispensaries run the Marijuana market. They dictate supply and demand. Because of that, outdoor growers cannot compete with indoor growers, for the short-term.

What I am looking at is the Big Picture.

Do we want Dope to bring this nation down in our gluttony for more WEED, at whatever the cost? And I’m not talking dollars here.

Indoor growers can get as many harvests as they want. Outdoor growers get one big one. But I think the smart money gonna be on the mellow, laid-back Hare in this Dope race. Slow and steady will win this.  

I could go and on about the differences between indoor and outdoor. Also, there’s usually a difference in the growers too. An outdoor grower does think about sustainable living and work practices. The outdoor grower usually stays within the same area, so there’s a need to keep the environment safe and useable.

Indoor growers are nomads and opportunists. I mean that in the best way. If there is a hassle, they just move on to a new local or even city. Indoor growers are the source for fires because of improperly wired houses or just being stupid.

But at the same time I realize there is a place for indoor growing. Indoor Pot is somewhat stronger, usually because the best of the outdoor is never seen by mere mortals like us. Indoor Pot can be grown to specifics and can be controlled to the point of overkill. If you’re in the mood for Blue Cheese, it can be requested and a scant ten to twelve weeks later, Bam-O, you got Cheese. I have friends that grow indoor, I’m not going to be a hypocrite and say I don’t buy indoor. I still get indoor, sometimes you have to. But I’m trying to change that.

Maybe after Legalization, they’ll be able to tighten up the operations, and the amount of gypsy grow houses will fade. Yeah, right.

Chemicals:

Here’s the deal on this. If you look at labels to see what the ingredients are in what you’re eating, or if ‘Food Inc.’ is required viewing at your casa, then you are killing yourself with indoor POT. Sorry. I eat meat. I like candy and sweets. I’m not perfect, but when it comes to POT, I’m asking more and more for outdoor.

My belief-there isn’t such a thing as Organic indoor POT. I don’t care if the plastic bottle swears that the fertilizer, the grow juice, the bud enhancer, that you’re utilizing says Organic, it’s not. There is some unnatural chemical swirling around in it, oppose to a natural ones like bat or chicken shit. And when those chemicals are heated, say by, I dunno… a Bic lighter or a match, they have a different carcinogenic value than when tested at room temperature. In other words, that shit is bad for you over the long run.

That’s it.

If you want to have a healthy, organic lifestyle, it starts with what you put into your body.

When you hear the chants for more coal, oil or nuclear energy, think what you’re doing as a consumer.

I love Dope. Let’s not make it into a bad thing. What we do today, is how we live tomorrow. Nature always wins.

For once, let’s go in and out as winners.

More Later.





Your Kid on Drugs (March 3, 2010)

I was on the phone the other day to Daddio Robbo talking about the rash of elementary school bake-outs popping up more and more here every day in the Bay Area. In the last two weeks, some misguided grade-schooled Timothy Leary wanna-bes, have brought either magic brownies to school or as Robbo pointed, the other day a kid brought Fruity Pebbles laced with some weed-like substance. I laughed about all the kids in the nurse’s office starring at their hands or having some Harry Potter freak out scene with wands and witches dancing while a concern teacher is probing, “Dylan, Dylan, can you tell us what you ingested?”. Yeah as I said, I laughed about this, Robbo didn’t.

Robbo has kids and I don’t.

I don’t know what it is about getting older but it’s like your friend’s kids never age. Point in fact...

Both of us started telling war stories of growing up and hiding our usage and Weed from our parents. My experience was a little different in that my parents allowed me to smoke Weed at home. From the time I was in high school until I moved out, I smoked Weed at my parent’s house. We had the original “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. They didn’t ask and I didn’t tell them what that funny smell was all about. When I absently left a baggie in my dirty jeans before me mom would wash the Levis, she’d save my stash instead of soaking it as a lesson. Uh-uh, I’d come home and fine a perfectly rolled up sandwich bag on my pillow like a gift from tokin’ Tooth Fairy.

Robbo related a similar story about his wife finding a bag of Weed belonging to their son while doing the wash.

I said, “What did you do?”

Robbo replied, “Dude, he’s in college. He was home for the weekend from Stanford. I did what any responsible father would do. I took a pinch to see what the quality of his Weed is like, and told him I’ll give this back to you after your Mother and I talk about what we should do about this.”

“What did he say to that?”

“I don’t think there was enough for him to worry about. Besides, I don’t think he smokes the way we did growing up. Plus he’s in college. As soon as he gets back to his place I’m sure his roommate has a stash or in the South Bay, I think you can get a little something to tide you over from the Guidance Counselor.”

“It sure is different from when we were kids,” I remarked shaking my head on my side of the phone. “What about your other son? Does he smoke?”

“He’s in the 10^th grade...”

“Okay,” I asked again. “Does he inhale?”

Robbo thought for a second. “He doesn’t show any signs of getting high and the wife has never found a pipe or baggie like what has happen with the older one.”

“Have you ever had a drug talk with your kids?” I inquired.

“Not really, a little in conversations but not like the Birds and Bees-After-School Special kind of moment.”

“Would you tell your kids that you smoke?”

“No,” Robbo said without hesitation.

I really thought that was weird. Why lie? Why not tell the kids the truth and let them decide. Give them the power to decide and choose. The thoughts of kid power were snow-balling in my head. I was deducing and contriving every possible scenario of how life could be better if we were more honest with our kids. I was starting to think Daddio Robbo was just like the parents I grew up with. Punishing the kids for the same behavior they do behind closed doors. Just another hypocrite.

“For me this has always been the thing for me in terms of my kids and my drug usage,” Robbo cleared his throat like Robert Young getting ready to tell Kitten her connect called and she’s not getting any Brown tonight. “See Man...Drugs are illegal. Booze is not. And it’s that simple. However honest I want to be with my kids, I’m not just talking to them, but to their friends too.”

“Huh?”

“Okay. If I bring out bottle after bottle of wine with dinner, the kids think nothing of it and we talk about the weather, the Giants, whatever...But say I pull out the bong and hit on that bad boy while discussing Jerry Brown’s run for governor, you never know what could happen. One of my younger boy’s friend’s parents could call and ask if I really did smoke Marijuana in front of my child. Then rumors start and pretty soon my son is Carlos Medellin dealing pills to football players or other such garbage. As long as Weed is illegal, it’s a whole different ballgame.”

 I felt silly for doubting Robbo or thinking ill of him. I’m not a parent and sometimes it’s hard to remember that my free way of thinking has some major ramifications.

I thanked Robbo for the enlightenment and we hung up.

It’s all Changing...

It’s all Happening...

The Weed is stronger these days. You always heard stories of some bad boy spiking the punch at the school dance with vodka and then later LSD. Kids have always brought the outside to inside, to show off, to be cool. When I was in school, guys had huge bongs in the cars. Four foot high bongs! This Godzilla-like smoke machine shouldn’t have left the rumpus room. As much as things stay the same, we’re always evolving and growing. At least I hope so. But the Weed is stronger. We had magic brownies. Kids today have Kush crème brulee with a perfect Afgani Hash hard-shell frosting. It’s the same but in a nice, stronger package.

I have no idea what I would say to kids these days about Weed. Where do you start? Not to make the same mistakes you made? To enjoy your time and don’t feel guilty. Don’t get high if you really don’t want to?

I think this is what I would say...

There’s this thing called Marijuana. It is a weed that can be grown almost anywhere in the world. It was legal until 1937 of the last century. Here’s the deal kid...

Life is good but it isn’t fair. TV, books, and movies can take you to another place. The Grand Canyon is one of the most awesome, beautiful places in the world. All the above can be made to seem better when you smoke Marijuana. Marijuana gives you a false sense of euphoria, happiness. Even with sadness, you might break out into laughter. As real as the joint or pipe is in your hands, that feeling isn’t. That feeling of being high is going to last as long as the drug itself last inside of you. The problem is keeping that feeling going. What happens when you need to get high? Will you be honest with yourself and being able to stop if you don’t want to? Or will you be an addict and search out for something that you can’t find sober inside of yourself? See the really problem with Weed. It’s really good. It makes you feel really good. If Life is rough, it mellows it out. The secret is, knowing when you really want it and when you don’t. And the worst thing is when you’re really in pain. When Life is collapsing around you. There’s violence and outrageous behavior being flung at you and near you. You want to escape.

See the really problem with drugs is they make you feel good. They change your mood.

I think my problem growing up was I didn’t trust the moods of anyone around me to want bad enough what they had. My parents, my teachers, Society, all said that drugs were bad. But when I tried them they were good. Of course, everything in the beginning is usually okay for you. It’s only when it becomes excessive. By the time my drug use became excessive, there was no one I trusted to tell me there was another way. And most of my friends thought the same way. Drugs made us a band of merry men and women. It separated us from those who were uncool and harsh. When someone says something is bad for you but all the data says different, especially when it helps you to get laid, there is a language and behavior barrier that is hard to transgress. As a kid the only person I would believe is someone who was coming from a place close to mine.

And now we enter the World of Pot 2.0. Weed going to be legal soon and we’re going to have a new dialogue to start and learn from. Do I need to remind you? The Weed is a lot stronger these days...

More Later...    





Teena Maria 1956-2010

For the next week, I'm going to post some of my favorite columns of the past year...

Thanks for reading,

Jack

Any comments or thoughts are appreciated.