Jack Rikess, a former stand-up comedian, takes the edge off of the world and explains all those unexplained things in a way that will make you either laugh or cry.

« Q. Where Do Agoraphobics Go For Vacation? A. The Living Room | Main | Leno, My Funny Roomate's Niece and The So-called Road Warriors »

All Apologies 

      I am sorry. For the past week, I was busy doing other things. My actions might have been self-indulgent and wasteful, but it felt so good. Aren’t I entitled to some good times? Or is that just for the rich and the five under par? Bottom line to my two readers who asked where I was...Once again, and only to you  two duo of greatness, I am sorry. To the rest of you who don’t read this, I have nothing to say to y’all.


     What happen to role models? I’ve always envisioned a commercial that goes like this...

     A basketball from great heights careens off of a lone rim. The netting shakes and the backboard rumbles, but nothing but bricks. There’s repeated shots of basketballs missing the rim. After a thousand shots of not even getting close the camera pulls back to reveal a regular guy or woman in casual dress. The person says, “I’m not a role model, I’m a teacher. So you know I don’t have a chance.”

     I have a friend, (mostly because of Facebook, I don’t really have any friends in real life.) in the Middle West who’s fourteen year old daughter wants to be one of the Kardashians. As an old unhip guy, I don’t know the Kardashians. I know of Bruce Jenner, star of the greatest gay/straight movie ever, ‘Can’t Stop the Music’ and the classic, ‘Dorothy Hamill Presents Winners.’ (Don’t winners equal role models?). I know who Robert Kardashian was, close friend of O.J. Simpson and one of the players of the infamous Dream Team. But I’m not familiar with the kids. And I’m not sure why they are role models? But they are.

     Pastor Benny Hinn, leader of a multi-million dollar generating ministry that operates out of Southern California and Texas, is being divorced after thirty years of marriage. It’s funny how Church leaders can transgress and sin and never miss a service. One of my favorite quotes in the last few years is when Ted Haggard (What a great biblical name!) the Evangelical Priest who sought out male prostitutes for sex and to be his Meth buddy at the same time was asked if his cure he was taking to be heterosexual again was working? Pastor Ted answered, “Not yet.” Does that mean you could find Tweakin’ Teddy still riding the mechanical fist on fifty cent beer nights at the Leather Vest on Wednesday nights? But soon after, his flock came back, along with the wife.

     All a guy can say is I’m sorry.

     How about John Mayer? This is what I know about John. He is an amazing guitarist. His first album was fun and poppy. I saw this video he did about being John Mayer and the inside view of his life and song making. It was hysterical. The Playboy interview, which I didn’t read but saw the highlights, what a douche. But it doesn’t matter. John and his brother have a gig with a cruise line that goes to Mexico. Apparently it’s a sexfest for Johnny boy. His brother plays pimp on the high waters and women...girls, wait their turn while John does his rounds. This won’t change until it does...

    I don’t know what it takes to be famous these days but I know it’s helping Sarah Palin. She is living in a day and age when you can get somewhere just because people like the idea of you being there. Qualifications, unimportant. What is important? How I am feeling? That is the uppermost priority. How does it affect me?

    Sister Sarah can say whatever she wants because her base doesn’t care about the facts or the truth. Again let me say this, I think Sarah Palin is so hot. I think she must be a freak behind closed doors, depending on her mood. She seems like she could be little moody. But I hope I can change that. We’ll have to see how that hopey, changey thing works out when the time comes. In terms of her being hot, I don’t think we have the maturity to handle that. We don’t mind John Kennedy and Bill Clinton fucking around, but the idea of a woman using a position of power for sex...That’s hard to fathom...Or that we would elect someone because that they are cute. Or worse, we would never take any candidate serious who was short and not good-looking, no matter how hot his wife is. Sorry Dennis...

   You know why people might relate to Sister Sarah? She never apologizes. She never cops to what she is doing. She’ll throw her closest friend or any old guy who plucked her from obscurity, under the bus if it suits her. And her suits are expensive.

    Same thing with the Republicans of this country- They aren’t going to apologize for their Anti-American stance. Again, the Republican base doesn’t care. Bill Maher so correctly pointed out on last night’s show that our President has actually brought down taxes for 95% of this country. Try to tell that to a Tea-Bagger. They don’t care. They will argue about taxation. They will say that Obama is killing this country with over spending, but when the facts come in that the stimulus is working, fifty percent of this country holds their hands over their collective ears and say, “La,la,la,la...”

    You can’t fight that kind of devotion. That kind of loyalty. That kind of Stupidity. If the Base doesn’t want to hear it, they won’t. So Sister Sarah has nothing to apologize for in their minds. Oh yeah, when Sarah said she was riding the bus to the stops on her book tour but really rode a charter jet from place to place and then would climb on the bus before the bookstore stop, her fans could care less. Besides, they saw her get off the bus when it pulled up. Those are the facts they need to know.

    But she never apologized for her lies or behavior. Don’t we somehow deep down, respect that? Besides for how she looks in jeans, isn’t that another reason she is hot. I’m talking Kennedy-hot. Never backing down, making history with ever conquest and global decisions. Maybe someday we’ll look back at Sarah and find out how much hotter she really was when the truth comes out about her and the First Dude’s open relationship. But I digress...

I’m sorry, sometimes I get carried away...

More Later...

References (2)

References allow you to track sources for this article, as well as articles that were written in response to this article.
  • Response
    Football is actually 1 of the largest sports in America. It has a big following.
  • Response
    Football is actually a single of the largest sports in America. It has a key following.

Reader Comments

There are no comments for this journal entry. To create a new comment, use the form below.

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>