Jack Rikess, a former stand-up comedian, takes the edge off of the world and explains all those unexplained things in a way that will make you either laugh or cry.

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What if Karl Rove was for Prop.19?


We’re forty-two days away from Election Day in California. Maybe it is time we get aggressive. Let’s face it, Marijuana since the 1930’s, hasn’t been giving even break. Since the Secretary of the Treasury placed his nephew to be in charge of America’s Marijuana policy in 1937, WEED hasn’t had a chance. The American people have been fed lies, lies, and more lies.  There have been presidential studies, universities’ experiments, tests done by the government, military, special projects invoked by governors, and they all come up with the same finds: Marijuana isn’t that bad for you. At least, it is not as bad as everyone has said it is. Marijuana is kept illegal by emotional, unreasonable arguments.

Well, maybe it time to fight back.

Karl Rove scared America straight with his fear-mongering for eight years. In the process of turning parent against their Gay kids and frightening average Red-blooded Americans in Blue States with the label of  being seen un-American if you weren’t into killing unsuspecting people in far away countries because of our President’s Daddy issues. Karl had us right where he wanted us, in his palm, no lubrication.

For eight years, the Jerk-offs was in control. Let’s learn from that. I now offer the unreasonable and insane arguments that we should use in defense of Proposition 19 and Legalization. Here are the illogical and absurd statements, that if said with a straight face, can scared and influence those Republicans who have been freaking us out for almost a decade with their insane point of views.


1)  We can increase the Defense Budget!

Once we free up the dollars, roughly a billion that goes to taking care of America’s a third of the prisoners who are busted for Marijuana, we can spend all our new-found cash on bombs, planes and cool low-flying drones with sick digital cameras for awesome playback at home.


2)   We can finally give the finger to those Nations holding us hostage with fossil fuels.

Even though we know that Saudi Arabia financed and made September 11th happen, there’s nothing we can do except attack other countries because of their unctuous hold over our country because of our steady oil jones. 

Now with bio-fuels being created from Hemp oil, we can have that independence we’ve always talked about. Imagine, not having ever to hold the hands of Sheiks when they visit your Casa Blanco.

3)    It’s Hard for Twelve-year-olds to buy beer.

Right now, it’s kinda hard for Dylan or Josh to scoot into the Quik-E-Mart and score a sixer for first period with Mr. Erikson. Why, because there is an age-restriction that comes with drinking. The same will happen with Weed. No longer will you have to worry whether your son or daughter is forced to buy their WEED from a senor in the parking-lot or worse, from that Mathew McConaughney-clone who’s graduated and is trying to hit on your daughter while selling her the Kush at absurd prices because they are forced to get it only from friends. With Legalization, your children are safe at the hands of Big Business, who only see a market of consumers and have no intention of hitting on your daughter.


4)                Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

As the Marijuana trade establishes itself, not only will the demand rise for Budtenders, consultants and green-thumbs, but innovated jobs like Brad Pitt’s strictly Sativa-only buyers will reach a certain segment of the population that normally wouldn’t get off the couch.


5)            Price of Pot will go down.

Everyone’s hurting these days financially. Who doesn’t need a break? Parents, how much of your hard-earn money that goes to tuition, is really going to your kid’s WEED habit? Now, with Legalization, the price that students would be spending on their Weed habit can go to books and tutors. With increased savings, more homes can purchase more stuff, putting America back on top for spending our monies on stuff we don’t need, like in the old days like when we had extra money to fritter on Cocaine, Gas, and Food.

6)      We’re losing misplace Money by not taxing WEED!


Like oil escaping from a bleeding valve in once clear-blue waters, there is tax money not being collected as we speak. We’re losing money every day that we let this travesty to continue. Once WEED is legal, we are going to be able to recover our floating green in the form of solid Big Bucks. From the possible revenue income, don’t quote me on this, but instead of your parents having to go to Death Camps because of their age and, let’s face it, the sight of old people bum us out. With all the added revenue from Pot Taxes, we can send Mom and Dad on luxurious sea cruises or high-end condominiums in desert places throughout the American Southwest without any guilt. Or just keep the money for ourselves. Choice is back!


7)    People Drive Better Stoned

No matter what MADD or Ex-cops say, it has been proven time and time again by people leaving rock concerts higher than Lindsey Lohan’s legal bills, that stoned drivers drive better and more carefully. This idea that once Legalization happens, our freeways are going to become like the Road Warrior- the home-version, is crazy. Marijuana drivers go slower and even sometimes, don’t move at all, even while still in the driver’s seat, buckled in. The real Marijuana driver is more concerned with getting high and will sometimes, because of no fault of their own, pass out right there in the Metallica parking lot, instead of dealing with the whole-key-in the ignition-thing and having to drive home.   


8)    The World looks better Stoned

Do you hate your job? Do you think the programming at the Discovery Channel sucks and could use more ‘Shark Weeks’? Are you just basically bored as shit with your life and everything around you? Well, it’s all new when you get high. Forget about the colors (you’ll find out that there are fifty shades of green once you get stoned) and how all of sudden everyone around you is now cool for some reason, no, they’re the secondary reasons. After you get stoned, you’re laughing and you don’t care. Suddenly all your cares and your fears have subsided, at least until you go outside. But when you get stoned, squirrels talk to you like you’re in a Disney movie and Life becomes more exciting, even when doing your wash or going to the store for some late night Ben and Jerry’s. You will find you don’t have the energy to yell anymore. Your secretary will start paying attention to you.

    Life will be better all around.

 I know some stoners who get high before going to the Dentist. We each will need to find our limits.

9)    Today, Fifty-six percent of Californians are in favor of Legalization.

                Be on the winning team! Go with the over-dogs! As voters hem and haw over the vote for Legalization, decide for yourself that you are going to BE A WINNER! That regardless of the issue, you’re tired of being on the wrong end of the stick. Whether it was voting for a Tea Party candidate or the president that slid this country down into a well so deep that only something drastic is going to let us forget what we did. Vote for Legalization like the slim majority plans to do. Exercise your vote for a new America with you finally on top, voting with everyone else.


10)         Street Gangs are going to have to diversify.

It is common knowledge that Marijuana has been the bread and butter, or if you will, they’re ‘pan y garnarse’ of your typical street gangs. With Legalization, your average gang-banger is going to have to diversify and find new revenue streams, most like from clothing lines and tattoo shops. Without having to rent large trucks to haul the thousands and thousands of pounds of Marijuana from their distributor and not having to sell the Marijuana to rich, white kids and Jazz musicians, street gangs are going to be freed up and most likely turn their attentions to civic duties. I’m sure that as soon as the Marijuana boom is over for your average street criminal, they will turn to gardening and running for public office in order to enact change.  



And there are many more reasons we should have Legalization. Athletes play better when they can get stoned and can relax after the game getting high. Just ask the 1970’s NFL and NBA players. It didn’t hurt their games any.

Marijuana makes you want to be rich and get out of the house. Just ask George Soros, the Virgin Atlantic guy and the Men’s Warehouse guy, three stoners who use the inside spread in Forbes to roll with.  

Other countries have Legalization and the use goes down. Really. Once you can get high, you’ll find out that it’s not that big of a thing. You will find that you don’t have to be afraid of something that’s not going to hurt you.

That the worst thing that is going to happen is you run out of munchies and your side will hurt from laughing at dumb stuff.

        Everybody must get stoned.

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Reader Comments (5)

Prop 19 was a metaphor and it has the underlying supposition of trying to make the audience guess of what he will do next.

August 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStefano

Hi Jack,
Very interesting post, i liked you 3rd heading most "It’s Hard for Twelve-year-olds to buy beer."
And i also learned about he intentions of Karl Rove.
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Absolument. Parfois, le meilleur exercice de l'écriture pour moi est d'écrire un blog de ​​mémoire - il desserre les articulations, pour ainsi dire. Je ferais bien de s'en souvenir plus souvent ...

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