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 Jack Rikess, a former stand-up comedian, takes the edge off of the world and explains all those unexplained things in a way that will make you either laugh or cry.

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Tuesday
Mar022010

No One's Getting Any Younger

My head is going to explode...I feel like I'm in that scene from “Sound of Music” when the Big Sistah Nun (representing The City) caunt decide what to do with Maria (The Haight), and her lost kidz in Vans-trapped sneakers walking Haight St. being sure to wear Edelweiss in their hair. The City shakes his/her head not sure what the right thing to do with it's spirited child. But the fix is coming down...

Yesterday, supposedly the Sit/Lie ordinance was presented to the Board of Supervisors, the people who do the thinking for The City. Now the Mayor is involved, the new Police Chief is gassed up; they’re all ready to roll down Haight Street rounding up every dirty desperado they see fit.

Now here’s the part I caunt believe. The law/ordinance that would make it illegal for street people to sit or lie near commercial property between the hours of 7a.m. to 11 p.m., also states that if said vagabond is sitting on a suitcase, then it is okay. Please check that out to see if that could possibly be real. Maybe in the new depression people will be living out of their Samsonite’s instead of their cars...

Good News...

 The 33rd Haight Street Fair is June 13th. The best street fair in America is running its annual Poster Contest. First prize is 500 bucks plus a hondo gift certificate from the good people at Mendel’s. By far the fair is a Sunday not to be missed. Don’t worry by June, all the crazies will be gone...No lie. No sit.

It seems drug use is up with teens and seniors, and I’m not talking high school seniors. Apparently, along with the teenage kids using everything that they can get their greedy little hands on from Ecstasy to Weed, Baby Boomers are still turning on to Weed, even in their sixties and seventies. Everyday there’s a new toker. In California they figure out of the 22 million pounds grown here PER YEAR, we keep about a couple of million for ourselves for personal use. And they say Stoners can’t count that high...It is never going to slow down. Two million pounds smoked in just California. I have a friend who works at a dispensary. He says in the back rooms there are two kinds of trash bags stacking up like Rapunzel’s golden locks. One full of Weed , the other full of Cash. These are heady times...

Still, the big money will be in stores that sell growing and lights equipment. These babies are going to be as huge and popular as racquetball courts were in the Seventies and video stores were in the Eighties. Soon we’ll all be farmers...

If you are reading this...And you two know who you are...please tell one person so that person can forget and not tell someone else...Well you know what I mean...

Big shout out to the Dragon’s Breath. At first I wasn’t impressed by this Green Cross Cannabis Cup winning strain, but the most recent delivery was sick. Very nice...

Speaking of old people...

My friend Mel lives next door and I help him with his garden from time to time. Just the basics, checking water levels and making sure all the nutrients are correct. Mel is 75. His arthritis precludes him from reattaching tubes that fall off and doing the down and dirty that one sometimes has to do in the tubs. I help out when he needs me. Melvin’s been dealing for some fifty years. Sometimes he lets his garden go to the seed. Mel knows the grandfathers of the dread-wearing growers in Mendo, not to mention all the old freaks that have come and gone in the Haight. He’s more connected than Jay-Z. Couple of years ago in the middle of the night I took Mel to the hospital because he couldn’t breathe. The years of Haight-loving living caught up with him. He can’t even vape these days. The most my buddy Melvin can do is the edibles. When I say edibles, I mean Mel eats his weed. Sure he has the odd cookie or weed-made product, but mostly Mel takes a bud and makes it go bye-bye. And he still deals...

One of my gigs is to be a taster for Mel. When he gets a new product in that he is unsure of, he’ll give me a call the night before so I don’t wake and bake and that I am sharp for a day of discernable testing.

We have a game that the old guy and I have played together for years. He says, “Do you know what a guinea pig sounds like?”

And I say, “Hi Mel.”

I gots to go. I’ve been double-giging while I wrote this column. Mel’s waiting for my report...

More Later...  

 

 

 

 

 



Reader Comments (1)

Hmmm...sumptin will have to change in our quick 'do you deliver' consumption style for a fair number of us to wake up farmers...i wouldn't be so quick on riding the 'grow lite corp' ipo ...i'm thinking somethin more like Krusty's Kreemes...no fat, gluten free, acai berry scones loaded with herb, served with a triple shot caramel mocchiato is going to find more green....peace, luv, Drewage

March 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndyM

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