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 Jack Rikess, a former stand-up comedian, takes the edge off of the world and explains all those unexplained things in a way that will make you either laugh or cry.

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Jan212011

Why America needs more Bullets in our Magazines.

 

I don’t own a gun but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the need to want to own one. If I lived somewhere else, maybe more country-secluded or maybe more urban, pick your scary dream local-I might just find the need for some fire-power.

Pardon my insensitive language, but it kills me after every new horrific shooting, you know, the first day-care center that gets shot up or a quiet study hall splatfire or a doctor gunned down in a church, America gets all shocked and stuff about the apparent problem we have with either guns, violence, bullets or video games.

After the brilliant burst of new images of more innocents being gunned downed, our M. O. is to wonder aloud in newspapers, on TV and all over the Internet, “ My God (Christian), how could this happen?” And for some twelve to fifteen days we will question who we are until we rightly get back to that place where we feel most comfortable, scared with our hands locked around our guns.

Now there’s some Liberal whose husband died in a machine gun related death, you remember, it was one of the first subway shootings in New York, and you know how squeamish the public gets after their first experience with something new. After that they (the bad guys, the people who don’t want the ability to shoot and ask questions later) were able to limit assault rifles. Luckily that ban ended, allowing the Tucson shooter to load up on ammo.

The Democrats think the time is right to squeeze through an anti-assault gun law or try to limit the banana clips that hold enough ammo for a small city mall.

To settle to the American psyche and so we can get back to watching TV, I’m going to answer the question that most of my gun buddies are afraid to-Why do we need a thirty-one clip magazine for our hunting rifles?

Because we’re stupid. Case close. Check, please. Goodnight.

 

Oh, you’re still there. Okay.

Here’s the dealio…

No one really wants to admit this but your average hunters aren’t exactly walking Einsteins. Let’s face it, you can hold the second highest job in the world, and still be a bad hunter.

Not every hunter in America is an idiot, just the bulk of them. And it’s not their fault, its Obama’s (Because he is responsible for everything bad that’s happen in this country for the last twenty years.)

Most Americans don’t understand the modern hunter. They tend to romantically think of the one-shot deer hunters who’ll spend the cold early mornings, searching, looking for that right spot to take down that buck with one-shot, like a pro-sniper. The old days of the hunting shows where tracking and trying to find your prey was half of the adventure is over.

Today shooting an animal from a helicopter with a high-power scope and heat-seeking bullets is seen as not only fair, but the makings for a great reality show.

The problem with today’s modern hunters is- they are idiots. Don’t just take my word for it; ask them, they’ll tell you,”We’re idiots.” That’s how you’ll know; idiots will admit they’re stupid. That’s why they are idiots.

Take a look at the top five states with the highest accidently gun deaths, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alaska, Alabama and Nevada. Believe me, it is not their faults that they are doing the big oops with the shotguns and assault rifles and killing little Bobby or Grandma Sue, those five states are ranked as some of our dumbest states. All five are in the Top Ten of dumbest American States, with Nevada winning. Go Keno!

If you look at education and the literacy rates for those states that think Chuck Norris is all the brains you need, you’ll see that they don’t score well on tests. Now image those tests or SAT’s being a gun range or bunch of moving animals on the lone prairie. Do you think those slow-witted shooters are going to hit their target on the first try? No way. These people are idiots. They are going to need a few do-overs and some rapid-fire mulligans. People with third and fourth grade educations, need a little extra time and yes, a few extra bullets if they want to accomplish the same goals that we, the non-idiots, can do in few less shots.

Let’s just stop all this talk about the need to ban assault rifles and thirty-one bullet clips. It is not going to happen. We are just too stupid as a people, to let that happen. And I mean that in a good way. Today’s hunters do not have the smarts or the time to learn how to shoot properly and straight.

It’s only the Elitist who is arguing for smaller clips and to do away with the landscape rectifying assault rifles, probably because they learned how to be a better shot with their Ivy League school grouse shoots and fox hunts.

The states that have the most guns and weirdly enough-gun related deaths are like our special children. They should be watched over and be allowed to participate in any shootings like the rest of the country is allowed. But because they are slow and dim-witted, they are going to need some extra bullets.

How hard is that to understand?

Hey, blame the Teacher’s Union if you don’t like it.    

 



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